Domestic Violence Recovery Resources
Throughout the different seasons of recovery, I found comfort and helpful information in the following books:
The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope by Leslie Vernick
I found this book extremely helpful in educating me on what the signs are of an unhealthy marriage. After reading this book, many of my husband's actions that I thought weren't from a loving, united heart were confirmed as destructive. This book greatly assisted me in learning how to identify my abuser's damaging behaviors and how to respond wisely.
The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope by Leslie Vernick
I found this book extremely helpful in educating me on what the signs are of an unhealthy marriage. After reading this book, many of my husband's actions that I thought weren't from a loving, united heart were confirmed as destructive. This book greatly assisted me in learning how to identify my abuser's damaging behaviors and how to respond wisely.
Untwisting Scriptures: that were used to tie you up, gag you, and tangle your mind by Rebecca Davis
The more I started leaning into God’s word for guidance and strength, the more confusing so many scripture verses became. Lacking a true understanding on some painful scriptures kept me in a season of distancing myself from the God who I thought wasn’t accepting me. The sermon’s I was hearing on Sunday mornings began reinforcing my belief that God wasn’t interested in a sinner like me. Rebecca’s book was invaluable in teaching me the correct biblical way to interpret scripture that I thought was being used to alienate me from my faith.
The more I started leaning into God’s word for guidance and strength, the more confusing so many scripture verses became. Lacking a true understanding on some painful scriptures kept me in a season of distancing myself from the God who I thought wasn’t accepting me. The sermon’s I was hearing on Sunday mornings began reinforcing my belief that God wasn’t interested in a sinner like me. Rebecca’s book was invaluable in teaching me the correct biblical way to interpret scripture that I thought was being used to alienate me from my faith.
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
This book was extremely painful for me to read. Additionally, it was the book I painfully learned the most about myself. I realized that by thinking I could change my abuser, being codependent, I matched the definition of such: Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. For the first time, I learned that I was unable to change my abuser's destructive behaviors; only he can change them.
This book was extremely painful for me to read. Additionally, it was the book I painfully learned the most about myself. I realized that by thinking I could change my abuser, being codependent, I matched the definition of such: Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. For the first time, I learned that I was unable to change my abuser's destructive behaviors; only he can change them.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
Another painful book for me to read, The Body Keeps Score, was a beneficial resource for me to understand the abuse I endured was, in technical terms, trauma. Prior to reading this book, I considered my journey to be a series of bad luck combined with poor decisions; yet after reading the book I realized that I experienced trauma. And, since I experienced trauma, I had to take additional steps in order to release the effects of trauma trapped in the subconscious of my mind.
Another painful book for me to read, The Body Keeps Score, was a beneficial resource for me to understand the abuse I endured was, in technical terms, trauma. Prior to reading this book, I considered my journey to be a series of bad luck combined with poor decisions; yet after reading the book I realized that I experienced trauma. And, since I experienced trauma, I had to take additional steps in order to release the effects of trauma trapped in the subconscious of my mind.
10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works by Dan Harris
Multiple therapists told me that meditation is a great way to calm my anxiety and stress levels. Unfortunately, I am not the kind of person who dives into something new without knowing why it is helpful and how it works. Let's face it, time is a critical resource in my world and if I was going to give up time in my life for a facet of my recovery, I surely wanted to know what the true benefits were. The book, 10% Happier, provided me with a great overview of what meditation is, how it betters our thought processes, and convinced me why I should be doing it.
Multiple therapists told me that meditation is a great way to calm my anxiety and stress levels. Unfortunately, I am not the kind of person who dives into something new without knowing why it is helpful and how it works. Let's face it, time is a critical resource in my world and if I was going to give up time in my life for a facet of my recovery, I surely wanted to know what the true benefits were. The book, 10% Happier, provided me with a great overview of what meditation is, how it betters our thought processes, and convinced me why I should be doing it.
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud
During a season when I was struggling a lot with the "love your enemy" bible verse, my abuser took advantage of every time I was trying to be nice. Additionally, I read this book after Codependent No More so I was in a season of realizing I was unable to change my abusers behaviors. Fortunately, my therapist at the time recommend I read Boundaries. This book was a life saver for me. It provided me with the tools to understand why, when I was safe and able, it was okay for me to start distancing myself from my abuser while figuring out how to safely say no.
During a season when I was struggling a lot with the "love your enemy" bible verse, my abuser took advantage of every time I was trying to be nice. Additionally, I read this book after Codependent No More so I was in a season of realizing I was unable to change my abusers behaviors. Fortunately, my therapist at the time recommend I read Boundaries. This book was a life saver for me. It provided me with the tools to understand why, when I was safe and able, it was okay for me to start distancing myself from my abuser while figuring out how to safely say no.