Last week, on an otherwise normal morning, I was sitting in my devotion space, carrying on a conversation with God. I usually start my devotion time with a “thank you for allowing me to sleep last night” (sleeping is my new wonder drug) and then deviate from there. Repetitious habit has created a cadence for my devotion time:
- I start off thanking God for specific things he’s done;
- I then move into my conversation about what is bothering me;
- then I start reflecting on turning what is bothering me into prayer requests;
- and I end with my specific prayer request for others.Honestly, prior to writing this blog, if you asked me my devotion format I probably would have said “no clue: I just talk with God”. But further investigation into the question that was placed on my heart last week lead me to examine closer this special time of my day. I am glad I see the natural format my devotion time has created!
So, picture this: I was sitting on the couch as normal; my cup of coffee was beside me as normal; the dogs were lying next to me as normal; and the blinds were open showing off a sunny morning. This morning’s devotion started off extremely normal – nothing indicated that my thoughts were about to be significantly challenged.
Here I was rambling on during my conversation with God about what was bothering me. Clearly, I was in one of my talking and totally not listening modes. I was frustrated, worn out, and frankly not happy about something at work. In a nut shell, I had allowed my boundaries to be broken and I was paying the cost with internal frustration. I remember the pleading words “God please fix this mess at work; I am tired and worn out from dealing with it.”
I promise there wasn’t a huge voice inside whispering to me; instead there was my voice within my conscious jumping in, policing myself, to ask this simple question: really? You’d trade your job frustrations versus your prayer about God helping so and so with her cancer battle? You’d trade your work problems for someone who is unemployed right now? Trust me, the list of would I rather this or that went on for a strong five minutes.
But those questions of would I rather this or that brought me back to the issue of my boundaries being breached. My boundaries are and continue to be the issue at hand; I need to steel plate those fences and stop the rivals from getting close to me. It seems I was tired and just throwing in the towel for God to fix the situation without considering what I needed to do.
Which begs the question I was left with: why did it seem like I was trying to ditch the wonderful piece of my life that God had given me? Why did I resent working and not be appreciative of it?
Honestly, I thought the grass was greener somewhere else. During those complaining moments, I was more focused on what God hadn’t given me versus what He has.
I’m not sharing my story to boast that I have a job when others clearly are without. But what I am sharing is that I took my eyes off of what God has provided me and I wasn’t appreciative. Instead of being grateful and doing what I need to do, trust His word and exemplify His guidance, I reverted back to being an ungrateful servant.
I love my devotion time! It is here that I so often listen to my thoughts and align myself with His word.
I promise: there hasn’t been any complaining during my devotion time for almost a week now. My devotion time is healthier and definitely more productive as I am focused more on what God has provided me versus what I think I am lacking.
I hope passing along my struggle helps,
Faith and domestic violence
Hi, I'm Sue
Welcome to my blog! I served twenty-one honorable years on active duty, living a double life of capability and accomplishment in the service while enduring brutality and abusiveness in my twenty-one year oppressive marriage. Today I'm happily married and have three children who are my inspiration and motivation.
My goal is to help combat the lies of abusers with the truth of God. I hope you find my words to be healing and helpful through your own life experiences.
Being separated from my abusive husband didn't make me a domestic violence survivor. It surely didn't release me from the grip of his brainwashing control and the innate power he had on me.
Read the full raw story in my new book, Rock Bottom and Faithless.