Holiday Triggers and Recovery
Why Thanksgiving Day? I believe one of the main reasons is because we usually spent it with my in-laws, which meant I had to fake being happy even more than normal.
The mask I wore during the abuse caused me so much internal conflict:
Additionally, the charming, so fatherly, so dad of the year nominee personality my abuser put on hurt me so bad. I remember the dad’s and little boys/cousins playing ball outside; the children laughing, soaking in the rare moments of their dad interaction with them other than watching television. Early on, it provided me hope that the great guy I married was coming back. Years later, it provided pain that the person I married wasn’t the person I thought he was. I can’t imagine the confusion this caused my children.
There are so many Thanksgiving Days, they roll into one memory at times. Take one piece from each Thanksgiving Day during a 20+ year abusive timeframe and it becomes a minimum of 20 painful triggers attacking me throughout the day. Often the years of triggers transcending on me become suffocating and inescapable.
In the past, the greatest thing I am thankful for at the end of Thanksgiving is that I got through the day. Praying this year my coping skills will be stronger and more alert so I can more appreciative of the things I truly have to be thankful for.
Hi, I'm Sue
Welcome to my blog! I served twenty-one honorable years on active duty, living a double life of capability and accomplishment in the service while enduring brutality and abusiveness in my twenty-one year oppressive marriage. Today I'm happily married and have three children who are my inspiration and motivation.
My goal is to help combat the lies of abusers with the truth of God. I hope you find my words to be healing and helpful through your own life experiences.
Being separated from my abusive husband didn't make me a domestic violence survivor. It surely didn't release me from the grip of his brainwashing control and the innate power he had on me.
Read the full raw story in my new book, Rock Bottom and Faithless.