One of the biggest things my abuser took from me was my believing I could be a good mom. I wasn’t striving to be a great mom, or even a fun mom, I was simply striving to be a mom who was always there for her kids, one who raised them ethically, faithfully, and lovingly.
My abuser knew that attacking my mothering skills hurt me to the core of my being. He knew degrading my emotional connection to our children was the most painful attack. He knew that if he broke my confidence in being a good mom, he’d win at destroying my life.
Transforming from domestic violence victim to survivor
My first child was born in late April so he was only a few weeks old on Mother’s Day. My abuser acknowledged the day with a sarcastic comment: “You haven’t done enough to deserve recognition.” No card, no break for a few hours, no flowers. Nothing but total disrespect to my pregnancy and our new child.
By the time my son was seven months old, my abuser was so frustrated with sharing me that he started hitting me to make sure I understood that he, my abuser, was my priority. Not our son.
My abuser’s tactics were simple, but combined, they became overwhelming. He wore me down by not doing anything to assist in raising our children. Without any help taking care of the children or taking care of the household responsibilities, I became a tired robot stripped of any life.
I look back now and see how bad my abuser hated sharing me with the children. He showed his jealousy by increased physical and emotional abuse. Our daughter’s cancer regiment threw him over the edge and increased my abuse three-fold.
Seeing Truth Clearly
After I left my abuser, I was able to step back from my heavy burden of guilt and look at my life more objectively. In doing so, I began to understand some important things.
I still carry the internal scars and doubt of not being a good mom, but the blessings God has provided allows for me to stay focused on His purpose.
Blessings to all,
Hi, I'm Sue
Welcome to my blog! I served twenty-one honorable years on active duty, living a double life of capability and accomplishment in the service while enduring brutality and abusiveness in my twenty-one year oppressive marriage. Today I'm happily married and have three children who are my inspiration and motivation.
My goal is to help combat the lies of abusers with the truth of God. I hope you find my words to be healing and helpful through your own life experiences.
Being separated from my abusive husband didn't make me a domestic violence survivor. It surely didn't release me from the grip of his brainwashing control and the innate power he had on me.
Read the full raw story in my new book, Rock Bottom and Faithless.