Taken Down By My Own Kryptonite

Kryptonite (ˈkriptəˌnīt), n.  something that can seriously weaken or harm a particular person
 
Anxiety is my kryptonite. I have struggled with it for years and fell victim to it again prior to the recent holidays.
 
I know the coping skills I must activate when my mind starts spinning out of control. I know the boundaries I am supposed to construct around me when people in my world start leaning in close with their opinionated, directive thoughts.

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Anxiety After Domestic Violence

But I didn’t stop the anxiety cortisol rush fast enough during December and instead of being 100% here to enjoy the wonderful life I now have, my mood was often numbed by the overload of anxiety cortisol. It took me weeks of constant mental refocusing to get myself back to my normal thoughts.
 
I’d love to say my devotion time was dedicated to calming my head but, if I am to be completely honest, this is where I came up way short. Major sin.
 
By the end of the three weeks of struggling, I heard myself pray the following: “God, now that I have found Your calmness again, could you please give me a year off so I can stay in this place of calmness.”
 
Yup, I earnestly prayed for a year off of problems, stress, anxiety, bothersome people, financial concerns, and health issues within my family.  Honestly, I loved feeling back in His presence again and I thought giving up on the struggles we call life would allow me to stay in His calmness.
 
How selfish of me! All the wonderfully awesome things God has done for and within me and that’s my thanks in return?!?
 
I now have the following written in my prayer journal: God, please provide me the strength to:
- prioritize my day/hour/minute efforts towards Your calling of my life
- prioritize my personal health so I have the endurance to do what You are asking me to do
- strength to say no and yes appropriately in accordance with Your purpose of my life
 
In reflection, I feel my sinful prayer was coerced by Satan. His continuous effort to distract me from what God wants me to do got me good. Satan wants me to pout, withdraw, and refrain from living for a year. Why? For a variety of reasons, I am sure.
 
But, that’s what the cortisone overload from anxiety does to me. It numbs my senses, withdraws me from my One source of strength: God.
 
I am still praying the three bullet prayers above during my morning devotion time. Frankly, it may take a month or two of constant, daily reflection to redirect my inner thoughts. But to me, I can’t think of anything better to strengthen me against my kryptonite. God can only help me with my anxiety if I turn it over and give it to Him.
 
What kryptonite keeps you distant from God?
 
Blessings to all,
 
Sue