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Storm within My Mind

9/7/2019

4 Comments

 
Storm within My Mind: Domestic Violence and Faith
     As I sit in church Sunday after Sunday mornings, I often leave discouraged and jealous. Surrounded by a thousand perfectly dressed, smiling, loudly singing, and actively listening to the sermon people causes me to feel unworthy. Unloved. Not good enough for God.
     Over and over I ponder the same confusing thought: If God truly loved me, He surely wouldn’t have let the abuse get so bad, right? If He really loved me, then the horrors of the night my abuser held me in a chokehold with my feet dangling inches off the ground wouldn’t have happened, right? If God truly loved me, I wouldn’t be feeling so alone and isolated.

Domestic Violence and Faith

     Why couldn’t God be there for me? I was going to church, reading my bible, and enjoying quiet time praying every morning. Yet, I still wasn’t able to hold on to the belief that God was there for and with me.
What changed?
     Years of confusion and crying out to God finally brought me to this painful reality: the emotional abuse I endured for 20 years brainwashed me. The yelling and name ​calling brainwashed me so significantly that I believed my abuser’s lies as truths – truths I didn’t question or understand were lies.
Lies like:
  • I am unlovable
  • I am incompetent
  • I am stupid
  • I am useless
  • I am unable to function without my abuser telling me what and how to do things 
     Hundreds of counseling sessions finally brought me to this reality: these negative things I thought about myself were residue of my abuser’s abuse; not reflections of how God loves His children.
In my new series of blog posts, I am going to share how I started the process of being able to identify my abuser’s lies versus God’s truth. I will also share tools I used to assist me.
     What lies from your abuser are holding you hostage from receiving God’s truth and love?
     Please comment on any lies you are feeling held hostage by; chances are I was bond by a similar lie which I can share thoughts about.
Blessings to all,
Sue 

See also "Recovering from domestic violence" and "Abuse Recovery"
4 Comments
Carrie
9/12/2019 07:15:29 pm

I’m a burden.
I can’t ask for help.
My needs don’t matter.
I’m undeserving of anything nice.

Reply
Sue
9/13/2019 11:00:50 am

Carrie, your lies are so raw.... and so painful. I've been there and it's a very lonely place. Thank you so much for sharing.... I'll pray on these and try to provide some tools that worked for me in defeating these lies on a blog I'll post next week. Please know that you are not alone!

Reply
evalynn
10/10/2019 12:06:53 pm

I need to be less
I am invisible to God, to people
I am abandoned, no one will help me (I just read your post on asking for help)
People don't like me I will never fit in, I'm too broken.
I am a disappointment
If only I had tried harder
This relationship is my duty
I can't trust anyone
Maybe I am wrong
I am not wanted
How did I let this happen?

A lot of these overlap. My abuser is my mom. It was never physical, but emotional, psychological, financial manipulation all my life and she continues today even though I've not been in contact with her for almost 7 years. My dad was a protector, a barrier to her abuse, but it was not enough. Then, when he passed away she nearly destroyed me over a 2 year span and I was already in my 30s married with kids. My husband figured out what was going on and convinced me we needed to leave the relationship. I know they are lies, some of which i used to protect myself (I need to be less) but they are very ingrained and I doubt myself so much. One thing that really bothers me is that people love her and defend her and scold me; and despite attempts to ask for help, I am left with my husband, my kids, and one friend who advocates for me.

Reply
Sue
11/5/2019 02:41:21 pm

Evalynn, such pain and sorrow. My heart hurts so much for you! Please consider my book, Rock Bottom and Faithless: Defeating the Lies of Domestic Abuse with God's Truth. You mention lies in your statement above; the lies of my abuser hindered my journey to becoming a survivor more than anything else! Identifying and defeating the lies is one of the most freeing things I was able to do to set me apart from my past. Thanks for staying in touch, Sue

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    Hi, I'm Sue

    Author Sue Parisher
    Welcome to my blog! I served twenty-one honorable years on active duty, living a double life of capability and accomplishment in the service while enduring brutality and abusiveness in my twenty-one year oppressive marriage. Today I'm happily married and have three children who are my inspiration and motivation.

    My goal is to help combat the lies of abusers with the truth of God. I hope you find my words to be healing and helpful through your own life experiences.
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    Sue's Story

    Being separated from my abusive husband didn't make me a domestic violence survivor. It surely didn't release me from the grip of his brainwashing control and the innate power he had on me.

    Read the full raw story in my new book, Rock Bottom and Faithless.
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