Missing Out on Summer Vacations

​During the school year, most of my requests to my abuser for extra financial support due to the ebb and flow of kids in school, were met with a huge nope; I don’t have any money. Yet, summer after summer my abuser always had time and money to take the children on a week-long vacation to the beach. Honestly, going to the beach probably isn’t a fair statement; he had time, pretend patience, and money to take them to amusement parks, water parks, and all sorts of tourist activities while going to the beach. 

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Co Parenting with Abusive Ex

​I hated unpacking the stuffed animals and trinkets from the gift shops upon their arrival home. I hated my children’s anticipation of the trips and their excitement when they got home. I hated the week mopping by myself wondering why my life had become so messed up as I was pretty sure I was the only mother in the world not able to take their kids on at least a weekend vacation each summer.
 
But, over the years, my children have taught me a few valuable lessons such as:
 

• Eventually my abuser’s ability to “buy” our children’s love wore off. As they grew up they started looking for substance in their relationship with their father. As he continued to disappoint them in cancelling events or dragging them around to his various “friends” houses, they realized they weren’t the most important thing in his life.
• Summer vacations are great for families, but stability, love, nurturing and security were more important for my children to see.
• I am not a bad mother because I can’t take my children on a summer vacation. Instead, I am actually teaching my children how to live within our monetary means and prioritize what is important. 

 
Over the past 13 years I have shown my children that they are the most important thing in my life. They’ve noticed me give up everything to be there for them, protect them, and nurture them. I introduced my children early on about budgets; we splurged together and gave up together.
 
Below are a few Bible verses that greatly assisted me in getting through my lonely times during the summer:
 

• Proverbs 13:7 (ESV) One pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth
• Proverbs 21:2 (ESV) Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart
• Psalm 34:18 (ESV) The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit

 
Additionally, I challenge everyone who has that nagging lie circling around in their thoughts to squash it with a huge sledge hammer: we are not bad mother’s because we don’t have the financial means to take our children on vacation! Please repeat this with me hundreds of times a day!
 
My hope is that by sharing my pain, it will help others realize they are not alone. I would never down play the pain and loneliness of these days. But, I can offer a testimony as someone who is grateful she leaned on God to get her through it all.
 
Blessings to all,
 
Sue 

Loneliness vs Being Alone

​I find comfort in knowing I am not the only embarrassed, hurting, confused, and self-doubting female in a crowd. Trust me; I am not comforted by the fact that other women have been hurt! No, I am comforted by the fact that I am not the only person who has experienced this type of pain. The secrecy of my abuse let me to believe that I was the only person in the world who allowed her abuser to get away with such atrocities.

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