Triggers are Painful Memories
I continue to be overwhelmed by thoughts and feelings that bring me back to my abusive past. Daily, I struggle to keep these domestic violence triggers of my past under control. I have learned that minimizing triggers from my domestic violence abuse lessens my anxiety and safety concerns.
It seems unfair that my abuse was so horrendous that the memories are deeply ingrained in my head. After being removed from my abuser, I still experience anxiety attacks or overwhelming feeling of being unsafe coming out of nowhere. Deep in my subconscious, where I am or what I am doing strongly triggers a painful piece of my past. I feel like I am reliving the event again. My abuser isn’t around anymore, but my reaction to triggers makes me feel like I am reliving the event all over again.
I hate that my abuser has the ability to continue to interfere and impact my ability to function. I despise that fact that the memories of what he did and said to me are so ingrained in my mind that I am never completely away from his influences. All I want to do is move on with my life and get away from him. I am tired of my abuser’s ability to create havoc in my world.
Two Types of Triggers
After years of self-reflection, I have been able to break the triggers that impact me into two categories; those that bring me back to painful thoughts and those that bring me back to a painful, anxiety, and unsafe experience.
Triggers that bring me back to painful thoughts are frustrating because the thoughts have the ability to freely rattle around in my mind for hours at a time. For me, after I figure out what one of these triggers are, I can try my hardest to avoid them. Three examples of this type of trigger for me include:
Hi, I'm Sue
Welcome to my blog! I served twenty-one honorable years on active duty, living a double life of capability and accomplishment in the service while enduring brutality and abusiveness in my twenty-one year oppressive marriage. Today I'm happily married and have three children who are my inspiration and motivation.
My goal is to help combat the lies of abusers with the truth of God. I hope you find my words to be healing and helpful through your own life experiences.
Being separated from my abusive husband didn't make me a domestic violence survivor. It surely didn't release me from the grip of his brainwashing control and the innate power he had on me.
Read the full raw story in my new book, Rock Bottom and Faithless.