Minimizing Triggers from My Domestic Violence Abuse

Triggers are Painful Memories

I continue to be overwhelmed by thoughts and feelings that bring me back to my abusive past. Daily, I struggle to keep these domestic violence triggers of my past under control. I have learned that minimizing triggers from my domestic violence abuse lessens my anxiety and safety concerns.
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It seems unfair that my abuse was so horrendous that the memories are deeply ingrained in my head. After being removed from my abuser, I still experience anxiety attacks or overwhelming feeling of being unsafe coming out of nowhere. Deep in my subconscious, where I am or what I am doing strongly triggers a painful piece of my past. I feel like I am reliving the event again. My abuser isn’t around anymore, but my reaction to triggers makes me feel like I am reliving the event all over again.

I hate that my abuser has the ability to continue to interfere and impact my ability to function.  I despise that fact that the memories of what he did and said to me are so ingrained in my mind that I am never completely away from his influences. All I want to do is move on with my life and get away from him. I am tired of my abuser’s ability to create havoc in my world.

Two Types of Triggers

After years of self-reflection, I have been able to break the triggers that impact me into two categories; those that bring me back to painful thoughts and those that bring me back to a painful, anxiety, and unsafe experience.

Triggers that bring me back to painful thoughts are frustrating because the thoughts have the ability to freely rattle around in my mind for hours at a time. For me, after I figure out what one of these triggers are, I can try my hardest to avoid them. Three examples of this type of trigger for me include:

• Songs on the radio: this is why I only listen to CD’s
• The color of my abuser’s Alma mater: this is why I do not allow the color of my abuser’s Alma mater in my world at all
• Grocery stores, billboards, and driving routes: this is why I frequently change where I drive based on visual reminders of abusive situations
  
  

Triggers that bring me back to painful, unsafe situations are often challenging for me to identify. Most of the time I am not aware that something is going to bother me until it actually happens. These type of triggers often attack me when I least expect it. They attack me so overwhelmingly that I quickly lose control of the situation. The best I can do is either avoid these situations or control them as best as I can. Examples of how I manage this include:

• Staying away from large crowds and always sitting in an aisle seat
• Avoiding new surroundings and events unless I am with someone who understands my background
• Refraining from attending movies and events that have the ability to stir up conflicting emotions
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For the most part, the only reason I am able to live a semi-functioning life right now is because of the control I maintain in my world. To many people, it probably sounds too restrictive. But, for me, the planning I do minimizes the effects of my past being able to attack me. Of course, all the planning and strategizing that I do doesn’t completely keep my mind protected. But, I strongly believe it cuts down on the impact and randomness of what upsets me.