I feel stuck in a revolving door of tiring and consistently selfish thoughts in my mind lately. That’s how I ended my day yesterday; totally focused on two situations in my world and how the situations impacted me. Honestly, when I woke up this morning I found my mind drained of anything positive; just yuck rolling around and around waiting for me to jump on some negative thought and toss it around for a few hours.
I woke up this morning knowing there was a fierce battle going on in my mind that needed to be addressed. God took advantage of my morning devotion time to bring a painful truth to me: I am in a season of selfishness. I am in a season of looking at my world through the lenses of how situations are going to affect me and me alone.
Where did this change of my thought process come from? I thought I always put my family first? I thought I always put work priorities first? Isn’t that what I was groomed for; putting others first and my needs second?
Where did this obviously selfish thought perspective come from?
Freedom to have my own thoughts? Years of counseling and inquisitive questions about how does this make me feel? My selfish, sinful nature?
Regaining Control of Thoughts After Abuse
Honestly, it’s a combination of all of the above. Freedom to have my own thoughts is such a great gift! Yet, the obvious problem is that my thoughts should be aligned with His word.
Again, for probably the umpteenth thousand time in my recovery, God is reminding me to put His word first. He’s reminding me to put His guidance, wisdom, and grace first. He’s allowing me to respond to my world as I see best but He wants it to be as a reflection of what the Bible calls me to do.
To align myself with God’s message on my heart, for at least the next week I plan on:
God wants to be an integral part of not only what the world sees me doing, but how my mind responds. The message this morning was crystal clear: God saw what was going on in my mind/heart and He was not being glorified within me. God wasn’t calling me out for my actions (yet), but cautioning me that going into situations without focusing on His word potentially doesn’t bring about a faith based response for others to see.
Blessings to all,
Hi, I'm Sue
Welcome to my blog! I served twenty-one honorable years on active duty, living a double life of capability and accomplishment in the service while enduring brutality and abusiveness in my twenty-one year oppressive marriage. Today I'm happily married and have three children who are my inspiration and motivation.
My goal is to help combat the lies of abusers with the truth of God. I hope you find my words to be healing and helpful through your own life experiences.
Being separated from my abusive husband didn't make me a domestic violence survivor. It surely didn't release me from the grip of his brainwashing control and the innate power he had on me.
Read the full raw story in my new book, Rock Bottom and Faithless.