Lie: I Can't Ask for Help

When my daughter was three years old, she had to stay in the hospital for weeks. My mom stayed with the boys at the house two hours away from the hospital; my abuser stayed in a hotel room near the hospital. For over 30 days, I stayed in the hospital room with my daughter without a break.

One afternoon my daughter was running out of diapers so I called my abuser. It had been days since he had stopped by but maybe he’d bring his daughter some diapers? Boldly, I took a chance at calling him knowing full well his way of handling his daughters’ health situation was to drink and ignore us.
I can still feel the sting as I relive the obscenity-filled NO that came across through my cell phone. No, I am not driving over there (5 miles away) with diapers. His tone was so degrading. He ended with a stern “figure this out yourself” as he hung up the phone. 

Imagine my embarrassment as I had to ask one of my daughter’s nurses working 12-hour shifts to please pick up diapers for me prior to coming back for tomorrow’s shift.

Faith and Domestic Violence - Asking for Help

Do It Yourself

Years and years of my abuser telling me no; do it yourself; I am not going to help you; stop bothering me; and it’s all your fault so clean up your mess yourself left me convinced I needed to do everything on my own.

Asking for help will always be hard for me, yet...

I am now twelve years removed from my abuser and asking for help still lingers as a challenge for me. 
Here is what I have learned:

• First and foremost, I should always ask God for help. Isaiah 41:10 says “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” 
• Second, God’s goal is for us to live in fellowship and companionship with others. 1 Corinthians 12:14 states “For the body is not one member, but many.” We are intended to be woven into a community that assists and supports each other; not individuals living on an island independently tackling all aspects of life on our own. 
• Third, I learned that it is my abuser’s emotional abuse that is convincing me to live in isolation. Isolation is what my abuser wants; if I am isolated, I am less likely to question, realize I am being abused, and hold on to a greater feeling of helplessness. It is my abuser’s emotional abuse that taught me this lie; a lie that is so ingrained in my thought process that it took me years to identify as being false. 

Was it easy for me to switch my mental perspective and start asking others for assistance? Definitely not. It took me years and years of trial and error and I am still vulnerable to my abuser’s residual reminders in my head. But, I am taking baby steps forward and for that I am grateful. 
Please comment below any lies you are struggling with,
Blessings to all, 
Sue