God: Where are you?
During the midst of my abuse, I thought for sure God had abandoned me. Or, I was being punished for a sin I committed 20 years ago. I was totally convinced that God had no interest in my situation and had left me out to handle it all without Him. Any thoughts that I had of returning to faith after domestic violence abuse was quickly discarded due to my strong, yet false, belief that if God had truly cared, He would have saved me from the abuse earlier.
My distorted belief prompted me to take care of my abusive world myself. The superwomen, do-all, I can live through this, and I can do anything mentality caused me to believe that I knew what was best for me. It caused me to make critical decisions based on what I felt versus what I believed. I felt like I was the only person who had experienced this extensive physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. I felt like no one understood my tenuous situation. I felt abandoned with nowhere to turn. I felt like I was the only person who could help me get through this dangerous life that I had.
After 18 years of abuse, my abusive (ex) husband attempted to kill me. Once I was safe, I cried inconsolably and prayed for the first time in years. My prayer was simple: God, if you allow me to stay alive today, I promise I will do whatever it takes to get me and the children away from their dad. In the absence of knowing what else to do, I prayed this prayer hourly for the next 30 days.
Ten years later, I am happy to say that not only am I alive, the children are safe, and my abuser no longer harasses me, but I am calm, happy, and able to love others again.
Returning to Faith After Domestic Violence Abuse
Here are a few lessons that my journey of revitalizing my faith after a 20-year hiatus taught me:
If it’s been a while since you’ve talked to God, shared your pain, confusion, and anger, I wonder if today might be the day to consider doing so. An Easter church service is a wonderful reminder of God’s love for us all.
If you are looking for an online church service, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would gladly share the website with the church that I have been attending for the past 9 years. You could watch the online service safely on your cell phone or Ipad.
I pray God keeps you emotionally and physically safe.
Hi, I'm Sue
Welcome to my blog! I served twenty-one honorable years on active duty, living a double life of capability and accomplishment in the service while enduring brutality and abusiveness in my twenty-one year oppressive marriage. Today I'm happily married and have three children who are my inspiration and motivation.
My goal is to help combat the lies of abusers with the truth of God. I hope you find my words to be healing and helpful through your own life experiences.
Being separated from my abusive husband didn't make me a domestic violence survivor. It surely didn't release me from the grip of his brainwashing control and the innate power he had on me.
Read the full raw story in my new book, Rock Bottom and Faithless.