Finding Hope While Being Abused

​It’s 9:30 am on a weekend morning and I’m already exhausted. My three children under the age of nine are all awake, fed, changed, teeth brushed and sitting quietly in the living room watching television. I quiver at the thought of them remaining quiet enough as their dad, my abuser, sleeps in the room above.
 
Concurrently, I’ve silently but diligently cleaned the kitchen, straightened up the down stairs, and paid bills all while hushing the children to keep silent with their every move. I would love to sit and enjoy a few minutes with them but I know taking time away from my responsibilities risks a painful punishment.

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Triggers of Domestic Violence

This piece was written originally for BeckyAntkowiak.com

Sad, cranky, and deflated I continue on with my weekend chores. It’s hard to imagine that this is how married life is supposed to be but without family or friends, I’ve slid into a world of not knowing how bad my world has become.
 
The coils of the bed upstairs creek and I immediately stop. The toilet flushes and the bedroom door opens… by now I’ve stopped breathing. I imagine it is 20 steps from the upstairs bedroom to the bottom of the stairs yet each millisecond is lasting an eternity. What will the look on his face tell me?
 
Did the children wake him up? If so, contingency plan quiet the kids down plan goes into effect.  Could it be he’s hungry? This means operation hurry up and cook him food while hoping the coffee is prepared correctly goes into effect. The worst: he’s hung over and he needs me to come upstairs immediately to get him feeling better. There’s no words to describe this plan.
 
It’s been 13 years since God provided me with a safe strategy to leave my abuser yet with the recent stay at home orders, the memories of these painful weekends are being relived in my mind over and over again.
 
While I was being abused, I was able to work outside the house Monday through Friday. I looked like a tired mother of three young children, but long sleeves always covered the bruises. In theory, no one knew I lived a double life of oppression and brutality. Looking back, my ability to leave the house to go to work, the grocery store, and school events for the children provided me a break from the relentless over watch of my abuser.
 
But with the current stay at home orders in effect, many victims are not able to get away from their abuser at all. Instead, their world has become 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, relentlessly controlling overwatch from their abuser. In a world where many are complaining about the lack of Clorox wipes and toilet paper, there are countless women being bruised and punished for not planning ahead and having ample supply on hand.
 
According to the National Collation for Domestic Violence, one out of four women will be a victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner during their life time. This well documented statistic is before the true impact of Covid-19 is known.
 
Statistics are showing an enormous increase of domestic violence during the coronavirus due to the stay at home orders. With the stay at home orders starting to be lifted around the United States, it’s unpredictable to know how many victims are going to seek help when their abuser’s oversight is lifted. Domestic violence is real and it’s happening all around us behind closed doors. If it’s happening to someone reading this blog, please know you are not the only one.
 
For anyone needing help immediately please consider reaching out to:

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline
• Called to Peace Ministries
• Domestic Shelters

 
For anyone who is already distanced from their abuser and is looking for some resources to promote healing, please consider my domestic abuse blog.
 
Please stay vigilant and safe,
 
Sue

Challenges to Recovery

​No wonder our journey to domestic violence survivor seems so insurmountable sometimes! When you break down all the pieces that we have going against us, it’s enough to want to just curl up and cry. I didn’t ask for this abuse. I surely didn’t ask for my world to be put on hold while I recover from years of abuse. Other victims reading this blog didn’t willingly sign up for their horrible situations either. Abusers in our world have anger, control, power, and emotional instability problems that they can’t control. It’s not our fault.

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