This week has been extremely hard for me. It was only Tuesday night and I had to close my eyes for 20 minutes prior to talking with my Bible study friends on the phone. Even though it was only 6:00pm, my body felt like it was 10:30pm and I was late for bed.
Asking my daughter to set the stove timer and wake me up reminded me of when I used to do nap during my depression phase after I left my abuser. But, that was 14 years ago.
Dealing with Anxiety from Abusive Relationship
Today, Wednesday, started off okay yet by 10:00am an anxiety attack hit me really good. It wasn’t the anxiety attack where I lose total ability to function; nope, it was like having a 99-degree temperature. Not sick enough to do something, but bothersome enough to be alert and ready to react.
Over the past eight hours I’ve alerted my co-workers, my children, and my husband. Something isn’t right in my mind. I went for a walk after work hoping that being outside would awaken my senses and it didn’t. I arrived home just as sad as when I started my walk.
I am in an uncontrollable, heightened anxiety state and I can’t identify a specific trigger. This feels like a generalized, numbing attack on all my senses.
We’ve all been in an unknown world for over three months now. It’s unbelievably hard to stay prepared for all the unknowns! For me, it’s been extremely challenging to navigate all that is going on with my shattered coping skills.
As I write this I think “I should give myself credit for keeping some semblance of sanity for this long.” I smile; laugh; and think nah… my low self-esteem doesn’t allow for crediting myself for anything.
But writing does lead me to what I know to be true:
I’d love to hear any recommendations that are working for others right now. Together I know we can get through this all,
Hi, I'm Sue
Welcome to my blog! I served twenty-one honorable years on active duty, living a double life of capability and accomplishment in the service while enduring brutality and abusiveness in my twenty-one year oppressive marriage. Today I'm happily married and have three children who are my inspiration and motivation.
My goal is to help combat the lies of abusers with the truth of God. I hope you find my words to be healing and helpful through your own life experiences.
Being separated from my abusive husband didn't make me a domestic violence survivor. It surely didn't release me from the grip of his brainwashing control and the innate power he had on me.
Read the full raw story in my new book, Rock Bottom and Faithless.