Being Part of the Solution

I was getting really frustrated prior to my social media fast about something I had little control over. As I have been sharing recently, my boundaries were being crossed and I was at my wits end. The rambling, nonstop, conflicting loud voices in my head were driving me crazy. I was unable to sleep. I was unable to focus on anything except the internal battle going on in my head.
 
Towards the end of my week fast from social media, a random thought pushed its way into my thoughts. “What if you focused on being part of the solution?”
 
Due to the randomness of this thought and considering it had nothing to do with what I was doing at the time, I stopped immediately. What did this thought mean? Especially as it occurred during a time of fasting? Meditating and pray brought me the following:
 
Although I do not always have control over what happens to me in my life, I do have control over my reaction to the events in my world.
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Regaining control of thoughts after abuse

It occurred to me I’d been fighting the wrong battle. I realize that there was a huge chance my boundaries had been crossed due to my trying to control a particular situation versus letting God control the scenario. In my fight to get what I thought was best, I lost focus on my mental well-being and prioritized my trying to control the situation instead. Head first and arms flaying, I had fallen into the well-versed trap of lies and deception.

Being Part​ of the Solution

One of the hardest things I learned to do during my transition to survivor was turning my abuser over to God. During one of the seasons where I just wanted to argue with him, it occurred to me: what if my arguing or attempt at manipulating a situation was provoked by Satan and not the work of God? What if the actions, arguments, or inactions I contributed influenced God’s ability to do what He needed to do? What if my human actions (versus those directed by God) impacted a situation and caused God’s plan for my abuser to be delayed or postponed? 
 
It was during this season of forgiveness that I realized I needed to step back and out of God’s way. God’s word states that He will seek revenge for me; I needed to trust that God’s ability to seek revenge was so much greater than any attempt I could muster.

​“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” Exodus 14:14

I can’t be silent if my head is filled with racing thoughts. I can’t be silent if I am not focused on God fighting my battles versus fighting them myself. I can’t be silent unless I remember who is in charge of the situation and what my role is (to be a selfless servant).
 
For me, being silent doesn’t mean I can’t protect myself emotionally and physically.
 
What it means though is that my motives, actions, reactions, body language, and word choices need to come from what God is telling me to do. My reactions to the situation need to be motivated by His word and guidance I receive.
 
Honestly, changing the perspective of my thought process to focusing on my thoughts and reactions to my world versus controlling my world has brought me a renewed perspective. A calmer, quieter perspective on a few important things in my life.
 
And an exciting side note: it’s strengthened my boundaries for this particular situation.
 
Blessings to all,

Sue

Establishing My Boundaries

Five years after my divorce, my abuser continued to harass me by calling me on the phone with the guise that we had to talk about something concerning our children.  Of course, he would start out with something of relevance to the kids, but as usual, moments later, I would be in the midst of a verbally abusive lashing.  Just seeing his name on the caller-ID, rattled me and filled me with anxiety. I now know that the reason I was having such a hard time was that I hadn’t been informed about an important piece of my recovery. The domestic violence recovery tip: establishing boundaries.

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