After separating from my abuser, the Book of Proverbs became my foundation of truth; something concrete I could fight the lies of my abuser with.  
 
     Seven years after I separated from my abuser, I had a nervous breakdown. The kind of nervous breakdown that brought me to my knees realizing that the way I was processing my abuse wasn’t working very well.
     I started counseling again (after a 4-year break) and almost immediately the counselor voiced concern that I was still communicating with my abuser. We talked about the anxious feelings I had when his name showed up on my phone, how the obscenities blasted my way if I didn’t answer the phone by the second ring, and how aggravated I was that at any moment, on any day, he could disrupt my world.

After separating from my abuser, the Book of Proverbs became my foundation of truth; something concrete I could fight the lies of my abuser with.  
 
In my blog last week, I shared the first thing I learned from reading the Book of Proverbs; transforming from a domestic violence victim to survivor was going to take action on my part. This transition wasn’t going to just “happen” because I wanted change to occur. Wanting wasn’t going to be good enough; doing something about my desire to change was required.
Prior to reading the Book of Proverbs, I used the funny feeling in my gut as my asthmas check. My anxiety seemed to be my barometer to emotionally stressful situations. The higher my anxiety (trigger), the more cautious I’d become. This worked well for a while, but it seemed to be cyclic; nothing really changed. I just became more aware of triggering situations. And the triggering situations continued to control my world.

Last week I had the honor and pleasure of joining Ann Harrison on a special  interview as a part of her Inspirational Journey Presents series episode on Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Ann is a blind author who speaks from the heart on a wide variety of healing and inspiring topics and I encourage you to go and check out her blog, annwritesinspiration.com.

Though her primary message is not focused on domestic violence victims, she has been a victim of domestic emotional abuse, which she shares about during our discussion.

After separating from my abuser, the Book of Proverbs became my foundation of truth; something concrete I could use to fight the lies of my abuser.  

I had no idea how to be a Christian, mother, daughter, or co-worker the years following my physical separation from my abuser. Twenty years of being told what to do, how to do it, and asked why I hadn’t completed the task correctly completely deprived any ability I had to think on my own. Although I was physically removed from the harmful living situation, emotionally I was so brainwashed that I was stripped of any ability to generate a thought without guidance.

Reality hurt when I experienced this truth: being away from my abuser didn’t make me a survivor; it made me a remote-controlled puppet still functioning under the control of my abuser’s emotional brainwashing. 

After separating from my abuser, I found a church and attended faithfully in person but not always in spirit. A problem developed as I felt like what the Pastor was saying didn’t match what I was hearing. The Pastor was discussing God’s grace and love yet as I was listening with my abuser’s brainwashing lies still controlling my thoughts, God’s love and grace seemed like something He offered to other people.  ​