October is almost here, and as many of you know, that's when Domestic Violence Awareness month kicks off!

In preparation for this season of awareness, I've linked many of my favorite resources and ways to give back down below, but most exciting of all, I'm starting a five part series on Defeating the Lies of My Abuser using the Book of Proverbs next week.

​We're going to be taking the lies that I had known to be true as an abused woman and pairing them up with God's truth. This is integral to the transition from victim to survivor, and will be perfect for anyone who has separated from their abuser, but can't seem to shake the falsehoods embedded into their daily behavior.

With my daughter now in college, I decided to permanently clean out the bookshelf where she kept all her senior year papers and schoolwork. For so many years the kids have been piling up their work in this one spot; the “just in case I need it later” spot. But now that all of my children are out of the house, it’s time to reclaim those places and declutter! ​

ACT prep book; SAT prep book; math book with notebooks of homework; Spanish notes and research papers seemed to take up a lot of space. I am sure at one point the items connected to my daughter’s schoolwork, but as I was going through them, they seemed disjointed and clutter. I started picking up the pace as I thought trash can for everything.  

I am so tired.
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For the past two months, I’ve woken up around 3:00am every night; many nights I’d be thrilled if this was the only time I woke up. Often nights I’m up two or three times. 

As I wake up in the middle of the night, my head is racing with triggering thoughts. I get up, go to the bathroom, and dread looking at the time on the clock.   
As I climb back into bed, the cycle of self-doubt kicks in; I get nervous about not being able to fall back asleep which aggravates my thoughts. Then I toss and turn, trying my hardest to redirect my thoughts to something not provoking.  ​

Of all the things my abuser took away from me, the ability to sleep often seems like the worst. As I have written about often, so many triggers in my world keep my cortisol levels on the brink of overfill. They are definitely too high for me to sleep comfortably.  

One of the biggest things my abuser took from me was my believing I could be a good mom. I wasn’t striving to be a great mom, or even a fun mom, I was simply striving to be a mom who was always there for her kids, one who raised them ethically, faithfully, and lovingly.  ​

My abuser knew that attacking my mothering skills hurt me to the core of my being. He knew degrading my emotional connection to our children was the most painful attack. He knew that if he broke my confidence in being a good mom, he’d win at destroying my life.