It is easy for me to understand why I lack self-confidence. After 18 years of verbal abuse, it became ingrained in me that I wasn’t able to do anything correctly.
I spent so much energy during my recovery looking for people to validate that what I was doing was okay. Whether it’s positive validation from my sister, my boss, or my children, I constantly set the conversations up so I received confirmation that what I was doing was okay. Even worse, not receiving confirmation from the person sent me into a tailspin believing I was automatically wrong in what I was trying to achieve. I didn’t need another person to tell me I was wrong in something I was doing; their lack of response was enough to send my racing mind into overdrive. I never considered that maybe the other person was busy or unable to answer me right away.
Another 4th of July. Another painful weekend.
For me, in addition to July 4th, I find Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays equally as painful. And yet, probably due to the lack of traditions I’ve had on other long weekends throughout the year, I am sure other victims have other weekends that instantly flood them with painful reminders of the past.
It has now been ten years since I separated from my abuser. It occurs to me that he’s not bothered by the painful memories at all. Nope. Chances are if he does think about July 4th holidays that we were together, he probably remembers them as great times.
Hi, I'm Sue
Welcome to my blog! I served twenty-one honorable years on active duty, living a double life of capability and accomplishment in the service while enduring brutality and abusiveness in my twenty-one year oppressive marriage. Today I'm happily married and have three children who are my inspiration and motivation.
My goal is to help combat the lies of abusers with the truth of God. I hope you find my words to be healing and helpful through your own life experiences.
Being separated from my abusive husband didn't make me a domestic violence survivor. It surely didn't release me from the grip of his brainwashing control and the innate power he had on me.
Read the full raw story in my new book, Rock Bottom and Faithless.