​Prior to writing this blog, the thought of giving up sugar for Lent baffled me on so many levels. Sweets and I have such a long-term relationship; Cookies are so comforting to me after a long day. Oreo cookie ice cream instantly un-stresses the worst situations going on around me. A handful of peanut M&Ms cures any horrible pity party I am having.
 
Three years ago, I tried to give up sugar for Lent. I talked about my unbelievable attempt with anyone who would listen. I truly felt like I was accomplishing a notable accomplishment. In retrospect, I was doing a lot of talking but not putting a lot of action behind my words.

​It was back in 2011 and I had just finished reading The Purpose Driven Life. I knew the irony of me, a domestic violence victim, reading a book by someone who publically disagrees with divorce, yet I couldn’t put the book down. My book is underlined, tabbed, and highlighted. I was absorbing every word.
 
At the time, my take away from the book was this: everyone needs to be in a Bible study. Okay, seems reasonable, I thought. Off I went the next weekend to find myself a Bible study in the large Methodist church I attend in eastern North Carolina.

My first Valentine’s Day with Tom was in 1987, back when we were dating. It was a memory I held in secret and pulled out every once in a while, to try to soothe my fears and pain.
 
We were stationed in Korea at the time, and he couldn’t decide what to get me. So he got me one of everything.
Perfume…
A big box of candy…
Flowers….
Jewelry….
A huge, beautiful card…
And a six-foot-tall stuffed polar bear.
 
I was overwhelmed. I had never felt so loved. Imagine being showed with so many gifts so early in a relationship – this was surely a sign of greater showers of affection to come!
 
I held that memory tightly during the moments I watched his steady breathing after he had fallen asleep… moments after screaming filthy names at me

I feel stuck in a revolving door of tiring and consistently selfish thoughts in my mind lately. That’s how I ended my day yesterday; totally focused on two situations in my world and how the situations impacted me. Honestly, when I woke up this morning I found my mind drained of anything positive; just yuck rolling around and around waiting for me to jump on some negative thought and toss it around for a few hours.