Getting Over Domestic Violence Emotional Abuse
During the worst parts of my recovery, I thought for sure I would never be able to get over the 18 years of emotional abuse from my abuser (now ex-husband). If you were to ask my inner self-confidence, it would say that for the most part I haven’t gotten over the emotional abuse, but have learned how to work around it, and its severe effects. I believe getting over domestic violence emotional abuse will be an ongoing life challenge for me.
Dreading Sunday Nights
I used to dread Sunday nights. There was something about the weekend ending and the work week starting that created an anxious, stirring emotion in my gut.
Sunday nights without my children were even worse. I found, during the days leading to a Sunday night empty nest, that I would save tasks for these lonely nights. Somehow the Sunday night “to do list” always involved doing things I didn’t particularly enjoy, like going through the mail, changing sheets on the beds, or cleaning bathrooms. These tasks are challenging any night of the week, but especially tough in the quietness of the empty house.
Five years after my divorce, my abuser continued to harass me by calling me on the phone with the guise that we had to talk about something concerning our children. Of course, he would start out with something of relevance to the kids, but as usual, moments later, I would be in the midst of a verbally abusive lashing. Just seeing his name on the caller-ID, rattled me and filled me with anxiety. I now know that the reason I was having such a hard time wasthate I hadn’t been informed about an important piece of my recovery. The domestic violence recovery tip: establishing boundaries.
Learning to Take Control of My Thoughts
Multiple years after I was safely separated from my abuser, I realized an important piece of my transformation from domestic violence victim to survivor; the battle for my transformation out of my prior existence resided in my head. The battle wasn’t with my checkbook, my boss, where I was living, the run down car I was driving, or how desperate my world had become. The battle for my mental and physical freedom didn’t rely on what my abuser was or wasn’t doing; it didn’t rely on what others thought I should or shouldn’t be doing; it relied on regaining control of my thoughts after domestic violence. The winner of my mental debates dictated how I responded and viewed my world.
Hi, I'm Sue
Welcome to my blog! I served twenty-one honorable years on active duty, living a double life of capability and accomplishment in the service while enduring brutality and abusiveness in my twenty-one year oppressive marriage. Today I'm happily married and have three children who are my inspiration and motivation.
My goal is to help combat the lies of abusers with the truth of God. I hope you find my words to be healing and helpful through your own life experiences.
Being separated from my abusive husband didn't make me a domestic violence survivor. It surely didn't release me from the grip of his brainwashing control and the innate power he had on me.
Read the full raw story in my new book, Rock Bottom and Faithless.