My daughter has been conditionally accepted at the two colleges she’s applied to. Her grades, volunteer time, church involvement is all great; but her ACT score is too low. Both schools have indicated what she needs to bring her ACT score up to and then she’ll be accepted. Definitely easier said than done.
On Regaining Control of My Thoughts
You see, my daughter is a cancer survivor having received chemo and radiation treatments when she was two and three years old. The long-term effects of her treatment are impacting her ability to master a standardized test. Fortunately, my daughter realizes this also; her test score really does not reflect her academic abilities nor who she is.
But as I talk with her, discussing the path we may or may not know God has for her, I realize how much easier it is for me to tell someone to wait on God to reveal His timeline than it is for me to pray this for myself.
I know my constant planning and re-planning is residual thought process’ from my days living in an abusive environment. This firestorm of constant planning became so second nature to me during the abusive years; it has taken a lot of work and listening to my inner thoughts to first recognize that I am still doing it and second, stop from doing it. As I began my journey to faith after leaving my abuser, I knew I was supposed to turn to God and trust Him, yet all those years of living in an untrusting relationship hindered my ability to trust anyone trying to help me move forward.
As I was talking with my daughter last weekend, I heard the calmness in my approach; God has a plan and what we need to do is trust Him and pray for guidance (to ensure we are hearing correctly). But after the conversation, I felt (and still do) hypocritical. How many times have I screamed out for God to reveal His time line for my situations yet I can so peacefully speak calmness for someone else?
So, here’s what has been placed on my heart: in order for me to devote my life 100% to God, I need to turn off the contingency planning and trust Him for what and when things are going to happen in my life. Turn. It. Off. Completely. This situation reminded me that:
I am glad God used my daughter to bring this message to my heart. Seeing her daily until she leaves for college allows me to receive constant reminders of His message. She’ll be a daily reminder for me to turn to Him quickly and first. She’ll be a reminder that all that contingency planning that keeps my head spinning around, is no longer necessary. God’s got control of my life!
Feel free to leave a comment below on struggles you are having trouble trusting God with,
Hi, I'm Sue
Welcome to my blog! I served twenty-one honorable years on active duty, living a double life of capability and accomplishment in the service while enduring brutality and abusiveness in my twenty-one year oppressive marriage. Today I'm happily married and have three children who are my inspiration and motivation.
My goal is to help combat the lies of abusers with the truth of God. I hope you find my words to be healing and helpful through your own life experiences.
Being separated from my abusive husband didn't make me a domestic violence survivor. It surely didn't release me from the grip of his brainwashing control and the innate power he had on me.
Read the full raw story in my new book, Rock Bottom and Faithless.