When I had the courage to separate from my abuser, I was a 100% atheist. I was a caregiver to my three-year-old daughter battling cancer, mother to two boys under the age of 12 while being abused daily. Surely a loving God wouldn’t have allowed such things to happen. Therefore I decided there must not be a God. Or even if there was a God, He obviously wasn’t concerned about a dysfunctional person like me.
Something happened the night my abuser attempted to kill me; I dropped on the floor, on my knees, crying inconsolably for the first time in years, and begged God to allow me to stay alive. I promised that if He kept me alive today, I would do everything possible to remove my abuser from my world.
Finding Faith After Abuse
God met me right there on my bedroom floor that night. As I prayed this simple prayer of “please keep me alive today” for the next 30 days, God did protect myself and my children. Over the next few years, I learned a lot about the importance of faith in domestic violence recovery.
God is always available to talk to:
In the secret world of domestic violence recovery, I didn’t have anyone who I trusted with my story. I was trying to recover while preserving the secrecy of my abuse. Who could I possibly trust to tell my story to and believe that they would listen and not do anything that jeopardized my safety? I had no one to go to. I found God’s availability perfect for me; He’s available all the time! Focusing on talking or venting to Him provided a short break in my crazy thoughts.
God’s love is always available to guide me:
I didn’t know how to do things on my own after I left my abuser. After 18 years of being told what to do, how to do it, and when to do it, thinking on my own wasn’t something I was capable of doing. As my relationship with my faith grew, I was able to pinpoint specific pieces of scripture that provided me guidance. For me, the Book of Proverbs provided the important initial pieces that I needed to know at the beginning of my journey. I find reading one verse a day helpful.
God loves me unconditionally:
I believe two of the main reasons I stayed in my abusive marriage so long is my longing to be loved and my fear of being alone. Depending on where we are in our journey to recovery, God’s love might seem far off and unavailable. But, that is not true. God loves each and every one of us; He loves us unconditionally while we are hurting, confused, unable to think straight, full of anxiety and indecision. Since God is with us all of the time, we are never alone.
Blessings to all,
(reprinted from February 20, 2017)
Hi, I'm Sue
Welcome to my blog! I served twenty-one honorable years on active duty, living a double life of capability and accomplishment in the service while enduring brutality and abusiveness in my twenty-one year oppressive marriage. Today I'm happily married and have three children who are my inspiration and motivation.
My goal is to help combat the lies of abusers with the truth of God. I hope you find my words to be healing and helpful through your own life experiences.
Being separated from my abusive husband didn't make me a domestic violence survivor. It surely didn't release me from the grip of his brainwashing control and the innate power he had on me.
Read the full raw story in my new book, Rock Bottom and Faithless.