Long-Term Effects of Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence abuse leaves long-term effects.

​In January, I broke my heel bone slipping downstairs and landing on the garage floor. I had no idea this situation would reveal significant long-term effects of domestic violence.

Returning to work with a boot and knee scooter generated many comments from co-workers and acquaintances. I was shocked at how many sympathetic comments, and shared experiences, I received with this new injury. After a while, I almost started laughing at my inability to handle this new attention.

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Effects of Domestic Violence - Long Term

​Almost immediately, I learned two valuable lessons:

• First, I don’t know how to accept sympathy comments. Many times when someone would ask me how I was doing, I just thought really? Yes, I know you can see this visible injury I am flaunting. I thought: does a broken bone throw people’s lives off kilter that much? A few times, when the sympathy button was turned on real high, I wanted to ask: If you have a few minutes, let me tell you a horrifying, gut-wrenching, life-altering injury I sustained at the hands of a loved on …… (we can all fill in the blank here).
• Second, and more obvious to us victims, my broken ankle is a fixable, short-term injury. It didn’t even require surgery! It occurred to me that what I needed sympathy for – understanding, compassion, and support – was for the invisible injuries I live with every day. My PTSD, IBS, high blood pressure, and anxiety: these are my real injuries. These are the battle scars of being alive and making it to the world of domestic violence survivor. These are the injuries that I need help maneuvering around and continuously fighting to figure out how to function in this world.
  
  

Long-Term Effects of Domestic Violence
Our real injuries as domestic violence victims aren’t often seen. For the most part, our injuries are invisibly tucked away from the entire world, except the chosen few with whom we trust our deepest secrets. Even those people don’t understand; knowing about and experiencing are two different things. Maybe I was one of the lucky ones who’s bruises never landed on my face. I was always able to cover them up with long sleeves (although that did look inappropriate on 90 degree days). I don’t mean to offend anyone who received a visible injury….

Looking back on my journey as a domestic violence victim, it amazes me the mask I wore to live through the days. The secrecy of our experiences provides our abuser so much power! There is not much we can do about that. Our safety, and often the safety of our children, remains the priority.

The masks we wear conceal so much of our pain. For some reason, my broken ankle has really brought this sad thought to mind a lot. Guess it was the uneasiness I felt answering the question “how are you doing?” so many times.

If only I could really answer that question…..