My first memories of overwhelming domestic abuse anxiety occurred after I was apart from my abuser and the reality of all that was happening to my world started sinking in. This new emotion provided a furiously new feeling of incomplete inability to function, think, focus, make decisions, be a single parent or co-worker. The new feeling overpowered me like nothing before. It wasn’t like the anxiety I felt throughout the abuse; the anxiety I experienced during my abuse never kept me from being able to function. The unpredictability of my abuse kept me functioning in a chaotic state to make my abuser happy. This new, post abuse anxiety was significantly different and overwhelmingly debilitating.
For the first few years post-abuse, I believed my anxiety provided me with my will to fight. I considered my anxiety a meter that guided me to decide if I should fight or run. In the absence of any other decision-making method, I allowed my level of anxiety dictate how I should handle a situation.
After an Abusive Relationship - Anxiety
I wish someone had talked to me earlier about what:
Battle Scar of Domestic Violence
Over the years, physical ailments started to cause pain throughout my body, but I never connected them to my anxiety. What I did know, five years after leaving my abuser, my world wasn’t moving forward towards a complete recovery. I was stalled in an anxious holding pattern.
What I didn’t realize is that my anxiety is a new body part; a new part of my inner being that is here to stay. My anxiety is a battle wound from my abuse. It isn’t something that is going to go away with time; my anxiety is something that is remaining a part of me for the remainder of my life. What I failed to realize until it was almost too late is that instead of fighting my anxiety demons, I need to be figuring out how to manage it.
Hi, I'm Sue
Welcome to my blog! I served twenty-one honorable years on active duty, living a double life of capability and accomplishment in the service while enduring brutality and abusiveness in my twenty-one year oppressive marriage. Today I'm happily married and have three children who are my inspiration and motivation.
My goal is to help combat the lies of abusers with the truth of God. I hope you find my words to be healing and helpful through your own life experiences.
Being separated from my abusive husband didn't make me a domestic violence survivor. It surely didn't release me from the grip of his brainwashing control and the innate power he had on me.
Read the full raw story in my new book, Rock Bottom and Faithless.