Yesterday I dropped my daughter off at a college located four hours away. After being extremely close for almost 19 years, it is time for me to see, from four hours away, where God is taking her next.
My daughter surprised me with a new water cup for my office (so now we have matching ones) and a special canvas picture she took over the summer. The effort she is putting into making sure I am okay with her leaving is priceless and means the world to me.
Like all other kids, she has grown up with many challenges. She’s battled cancer, received a bone marrow transplant, lived through a painful divorce, lost all four of her maternal grandparents, and grown up in eastern North Carolina while unable to tolerate sun exposure (due to the transplant).
I was getting really frustrated prior to my social media fast about something I had little control over. As I have been sharing recently, my boundaries were being crossed and I was at my wits end. The rambling, nonstop, conflicting loud voices in my head were driving me crazy. I was unable to sleep. I was unable to focus on anything except the internal battle going on in my head.
Towards the end of my week fast from social media, a random thought pushed its way into my thoughts. “What if you focused on being part of the solution?”
Due to the randomness of this thought and considering it had nothing to do with what I was doing at the time, I stopped immediately. What did this thought mean? Especially as it occurred during a time of fasting? Meditating and pray brought me the following:
Although I do not always have control over what happens to me in my life, I do have control over my reaction to the events in my world.
Over the past few weeks I’ve had a heavy prayer on my heart. Thirteen years after leaving my abuser and I still struggle with control of my thoughts. I struggle with the slowly moving evolution of something entering my mind and, instead of me telling the thought to go away, I let it meander around. And, after a little meandering around in my thoughts, the conflicting message gains momentum and eventually becomes “reality” in my head.
Because I don’t stop the temptation of the thought or the lie immediately upon entering my mind, it becomes stronger and bigger than life when I do decide to tackle it.
Hi, I'm Sue
Welcome to my blog! I served twenty-one honorable years on active duty, living a double life of capability and accomplishment in the service while enduring brutality and abusiveness in my twenty-one year oppressive marriage. Today I'm happily married and have three children who are my inspiration and motivation.
My goal is to help combat the lies of abusers with the truth of God. I hope you find my words to be healing and helpful through your own life experiences.
Being separated from my abusive husband didn't make me a domestic violence survivor. It surely didn't release me from the grip of his brainwashing control and the innate power he had on me.
Read the full raw story in my new book, Rock Bottom and Faithless.